Moving back home after college may seem like a failure to launch, both on the part of parents who thought their work was finally done, and young adults who thought they were poised to start building a life of their own.
But increasingly, it is a decision many recent graduates are making, often out of economic necessity but also because of the practical benefits the arrangement can offer. “Nearly half — 44% — of U.S. parents with adult children ages 18 to 35 say a child has moved back home at some point,” said The Washington Post, citing a recent poll by the financial services company Thrivent.
Just because the arrangement is common does not mean it is automatically easy. Even if you all lived peacefully under the same roof for 18 years, things can — and should — be different when cohabitating again after college. Here is how to navigate things smoothly.
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Communicate about financial impacts and expectations
For parents, there is a “difference between providing a safety net and enabling financial immaturity,” said the Post. The latter benefits neither party.
Instead, plan to “have regular discussions with your child to see if they need assistance in any areas and check their progress toward achieving their goals,” said Fidelity. For instance, if they are moving back in because they have student loan debt, “their budget needs to reflect that they are treating this as a priority,” said the Post.
Parents should prioritize transparency about their own financial situation as well — including how the living arrangement may be affecting their current finances and long-term planning, such as saving for retirement.
Discuss divvying up costs
Just because you are the kid (or the parent) does not mean it is set in stone who pays for what. “Once your adult offspring move back home, you and your kids will need to decide how much they’ll chip in for household expenses,” said Kiplinger.
Exactly what that division looks like will vary depending on the financial situation of everyone involved. Maybe the child “can contribute a percentage of their wages to cover the mortgage or rent, for example, or agree to pay a set amount — say, $200 to $300 a month,” said Kiplinger. Alternatively, if they “can’t help with the mortgage or rent, consider having them pay a portion of utility, phone or insurance bills.”
If your child truly has nothing to contribute monetarily (maybe they are currently job-searching), there are still ways they can contribute to the household. “Doing regular yard work or other household chores can make the relationship feel more balanced,” said Earnest, a student lending platform.
Establish a clear plan and timeline
While living together may be fine for now, most likely it will not be fine forever. “Have a conversation with your parents about your plan for moving out and finding your own place,” said Earnest, and make sure you are both clear on the steps it will take for you to get there, whether that is paying down debt within a certain period of time or saving up a certain amount for a security deposit and a few months’ rent.
The plan you come up with should include a “clear timeline, as well as some contingency plans if you don’t reach those goals as soon as expected,” said Earnest.
